I did it!

Hello dear readers!

I am happy to report I have turned in my last assignment for the semester.  I am free!  Woot woot!

I did not dislike the class by any stretch of the imagination.  It was fun dipping my toes back into academia, but at the same time, the class was a freshman level class.  It felt like going back to first grade for me.  A lot of the assignments were busy work to get people to think about how to write a paper.  I already knew that, so this was more of a refresher for me.

I did have some fun, though, and now that the final assignment is turned in, I'm sure I'll miss the class.  The professor was a great person to talk with and we had a couple of nice conversations about literature and writing.

By the way, if you're looking for something new to read, I can recommend Joan Didion's work.  She's an amazing author. Go check her out.  ;)

Nanowrimo is dead....long live Nanowrimo!

Hello dear readers!

Emma has been a busy girl lately, and I am sorry to say that ALL writing has taken a back seat to recent events.

First, there is a full time job at which I spend roughly forty hours per week, followed closely by my second "job" at the dance studio.  I don't get paid except through free dance lessons, but I've finally decided to get my teacher certification for both early childhood dance programs at my studio.  The certification won't happen until the summer, so I have some time before I have to go through training.

I am also taking a college class this semester.  After I walked at graduation and received my little envelope that was supposed to contain my diploma, I discovered my envelope contained a notice that I hadn't met requirements.  So now I am taking the last two courses to finish my requirements.  I'm taking   Why they couldn't have told me that BEFORE graduation remains a mystery.  I didn't realize how much time a simple course would take.  There is a lot of busy work assignments and I can understand the reason behind them, but I seriously don't need to list my thesis, block out my paragraphs, and explain the reason I chose to structure my essay that way.  I've written papers of about thirty pages.  I can handle five without having to break it down.

Therapy is going well, and we're talking about how to wrap it up.  My therapist is concerned that I'm reaching burnout (not sure how it happened.....but I managed to over schedule myself again).  I think it's because I didn't realize how much time my college class would take.

Needless to say, something had to go.  Nanowrimo ended up being the thing on the chopping block.  Nanowrimo takes a ton of time, especially when I did almost no preparation because lack of time.  That's right - it's pantsing.  I'm not sure where the term came from, but it means to undertake a Nanowrimo project without any preparation.  It's HARD.

Well, dear readers, here's hoping that the upcoming holiday (and break from dance!!) means I'll get a little rest, and a little time to focus on writing!

Gearing Up for Nanowrimo

Hello dear readers!

It's almost November, and you know what that means!  NANOWRIMO!!!

Yes, it is that time of year when millions of people take an almost complete leave of their senses and attempt to write a novel of 50,000 words in just thirty days.

Yes, we know it's crazy.

Yes, we know it's masochistic.

All the same, it does get me writing, which usually leads to more writing.  That writing may lead to updates.

Also, would anyone like to beta read for me?  I have a chapter ready to go, but there's a few things I'd like to bounce off someone in the fandom.  Any takers?

Still Alive

Hello dear readers!

I am still alive and well.

Actually, I'm a little better than well. It's hard to explain.  My doctor is trying a new medication that is supposed to help the depression and anxiety at the same time (What a magical substance!!  Must be from the wizarding world...), and I have a feeling that it may just work.  My last round of meds had a few side effects that were less than desirable.

Life is extremely busy.  This was probably the wrong time to sign up for so many teaching hours at the dance studio or start taking a college class, but I am confident that I will be able to meet all of my obligations.  I even wrote this weekend!  And it was in "What is Right: Year Two!!"

I know what you're all thinking:  "IT'S ABOUT TIME!!!"

And you're right.

Still, I am happy with the progress it's making and hopefully will find some free time to update soon.  Perhaps this weekend.  (Do NOT hold me to that.  Anything could happen between now and Saturday.)

I do have a paper due this week, so I must focus on that first.  School is important.  :)

All the same, keep your comments and reviews coming.  They inspire me quite a bit and make me consider things this brain has forgotten.  In the meantime, I'll continue writing.

Emma is back in school!

Hello, dear readers!

Yes, the title is true.  I am back in school!  When I "graduated" in 2008, I did walk in the graduation ceremonies.  I remember my feet hurt and no one knew the words to the school song, but we all knew the words to "Country Roads."  There was even a girl sitting behind me questioning why we weren't singing "Country Roads" and that she didn't know the words to the other one (I had never heard it before graduation, either.).

It was only after graduation that I found out that I did not complete all requirements.  Nice little graduation present there.  There I am, surrounding by family, my feet blistering in my shoes, and a nice little note in the envelope that was supposed to hold my diploma:  "You have not completed the required coursework..."

I was livid.

I took this class in high school, but the credits were lost in translation somewhere along the way between transfers.  I did not know this, and neither of my advisors (yes, I had TWO) caught this.  Neither did I.  I thought everything was finished and I was going to leave with my diploma and student debt in tow behind me while I went off in the adult world.

Some of that happened.  I did leave school behind, and I took my student debt with me, but no diploma.  One class short.  Luckily, this semester, I was able to enroll in that class so that I can finish my degree.  Woot woot.

My first paper is three pages long.  Three pages.  The last paper I wrote was thirty pages long.  I have a feeling that this class is going to go well.  And it's online!  I didn't have to change my work schedule at all to take this class!  It's pretty awesome.  :)

Now I just need to figure out my first paper topic....

Ideas

Hello dear readers!

Ever have so many ideas that your only hope was to snatch a notebook and write them all down because you didn't want to forget them?  I have woken up with ideas, had ideas show up during a shower or while I'm washing dishes (plot bunnies are hydrophilic little critters), while I'm in dance class, while I'm driving - well, you get the idea.  They show up all the time, and usually when I have no notebook available.

I am currently sitting on two great ideas for fanfiction.  One takes place after the Final Battle in Year Seven, and the other takes place during...and after the Final Battle.  It's kind of hard to explain that one.  :)  All the same, they're both awesome stories.  The first is full of reconciliation between characters that make all my feels go a little psycho.  The second is more of an exploration of a situation.  In other words, characters are put in an impossible situation and I kind of sit back and watch.

They're both AMAZING ideas (if I do say so myself...).  I just haven't had time to really put them down on paper, and I know that some of you might actually lynch me if I start new stories without updating the old ones.

My current count of original fiction ideas stands at thirty-one.  Yes, thirty-one.  Three and one together to form a number that matches my age.

Some of them are awesome, others are close to my heart, and some are annoying little idiots that can't seem to keep themselves out of trouble.  One of the characters, Michael, is in the hospital at the moment.  It's not a bad injury, but he did just get over an illness.

They're all in a bit of trouble at the moment.  Cathy just got kicked out of classes...again, Kal is having some issues with a dark wizard, Jade is, well, hiding, and a few others are running.  There is a lot of running.  It's like Doctor Who in my head.

Yes, this does signal the end of the Illness-That-Can't-Be-Named.  Updates are coming!

Lacking Inspiration and Other Tales of Desperation

I cannot name the dread disease that has befallen me in the last week, my dear readers.  To name it is to claim it, and if I claim it, then it will hang around for a while and make itself at home.

I try everything I can to dissuade this unwelcome visitor, every tip or trick other writers have taught me to be rid of it.  I wish that there was a spray of some kind to rid myself of this little pestilence. 

I can't even finish a blog post because I lack the inspiration.  Can't get much more pathetic here....

Just can't....

I cannot express my love for this video...

I found this video online and I just love it.  I thought I would share it with you.

What Sorcery Is This?

Against all odds, dear readers, I have actually managed some progress this month in Camp Nanowrimo.  I know, it's incredible!

I am the happy writer with 41,309 words to her name and it just keeps coming along with more and more words every day.  I'm not sure where this is coming from really, as two weeks ago I could not have cared less if this had happened.  IT IS HAPPENING!!!  :)

The best part is that nothing is wrong with it.  I know that sounds strange, but there is nothing wrong with the story at the moment.  The characters are cooperating, the plot is moving along nicely, the setting is perfect, the dialogue is good.

Wait a moment....

This almost never happens to me.  It is usually an uphill battle the whole way, fighting characters, forcing dialogue....

Hmm.  I probably shouldn't question this until after I reach my goal.

I'll keep you posted.

Looking for Recommendations

Hello dear readers!

I am happy to report that I am doing a little better these days and those low feelings from my last blog post have abated somewhat.  I have been careful with my sleep, taking my meds (which finally appear to be working!), trying to eat right, and getting some form of exercise every day.

I hurt my back a few weeks ago and I had to drop out of dance for the summer.  That may be what tipped off that last heavy bout of depression that made me so apathetic about everything.  Going from two classes and a couple of volunteer hours a week to absolutely nothing in a hobby can throw anyone off track; I suppose that is why I felt as though a huge chunk of my life was suddenly missing.

Things are a bit brighter now and I'm looking forward to a weekend filled with time to relax and plans to hit a library for the full day (I know, I'm soooo exciting!).

I was thinking today that I'd like to join a book club as something to do.  I mean, I enjoy reading, but I lack discussion partners.  If I mention a book I'm reading at work, I am often met with confused stares or a recommendation for the latest steamy romance bodice-ripper.

I checked the book club at the public library, but they're not meeting again until September.  September feels so far away.  Can anyone recommend any online book clubs you may have used in the past?  Or, maybe a really good book you've enjoyed?  Maybe a discussion will start on my blog? I need some more adventure in my life, and well....

A bad couple of days

Hello dear readers!

I am still surviving. That's pretty much it at the moment.  Surviving.  I've had a rough few days (more like a rough week) and it doesn't seem to be getting much better.  I have managed getting to work, and then getting home from work, but everything else doesn't seem worth the effort.  Today starts Camp Nanowrimo, but that's not going to happen now.  I just....can't.

Hi there!

Hello dear readers!

I am sorry to say that I do not have an update for you just yet.  I am working on one, I promise.  It's just not happening the way I want it to go.

The characters all want to do their own thing, and I want them to do what I want them to do. 

You see, I am the one with blue hair, and they are winning this fight.

*sigh*

Any other writers experience this phenomenon?

Busy, busy bee!

Hello dear readers!

My week has been super-busy since last week.  I finally made it to the doctor's office last week and I am cleared for dance (injuries...*sigh*).  I was super excited.  I am also the owner of some medication that is supposed to help my panic attacks and anxiety.  I've already experienced the one (and that medicine needs a MUCH bigger warning label about making me relaxed....I was a zombie on Friday!) and the other needs a few weeks to kick into gear.

On Saturday morning, I bundled myself and my backpack into the car and drove to Parkersburg, WV ALL BY MYSELF!  This is a huge deal for me.  I have driving anxiety and spent quite a few months in therapy to deal with it.  I had been run off the road by some tractor trailers a few years ago, and the highway lost its allure for me really quick.  It got to the point where I avoided driving altogether.  This weekend, I broke the cycle.  I drove for two hours by myself on the highway to go see my good friend in Parkersburg.  I spent the night with her, got to play with my goddaughter, and generally enjoy myself.  We made food, participated in the March for Babies (through the March of Dimes) on Sunday, and giggled until late into the night.  Her poor husband...surrounded by reminiscing females.  It must have been difficult for him.  Either way, he's a good guy and makes some mean popcorn.

I made it home Sunday evening with only a minor freakout on the way home - not a panic attack, but it was an OMG! moment with a tractor trailer, an on-ramp, and vague road signage.  I made it through and back home, where I promptly collapsed into my bed and introverted because I had spent the entire weekend surrounded by people.

I had my ballet class last night (and I feel it today!) and now here I sit at my laptop, telling you all about my weekend.  :)

SURVIVE!  The next chapter is coming.  ;)

Emma Went to the Zoo

Hello dear readers!

This past weekend, the roommates and I headed out to a local zoo called Hovatter's Wildlife Zoo.  It was no where near on the scale of Pittsburgh Zoo or Oglebay Zoo (a zoo in my hometown), but it was still a good time.  It was small enough that you weren't exhausted by all of the walking you had to do, but it was large enough that we spent about an hour looking at all of the animals.

And there were a ton of different animals!  (All pictures are courtesy of my roommate, because I forgot my camera!)

These two were pushing each other around all day.

He walked right up to us!

This was the nicest peacock I've ever seen.

Snooze.  Snooze.  Tired little albino wallaby.

This little guy came right up to us.  Might have something to do with the fact we were carrying food.

Capuchin!

Capuchin again!!  I love their tire swing!

Random duck is random.  And nesting.

Lone wolf (out of four in an enclosure).

The camels noticed the food, too.

Affronted camel because we couldn't give him a carrot.

This little guy followed us around for about five minutes.

The zebras loved the treats we had for them.

PONIES!!

I love lemurs!  They are some of my favorite animals.

He didn't want us to leave.

Pygmy goats!

The llama is unimpressed with our visit.

Human!  I want a treat!

Sunbather.

It's a ram!

Awesome shot of the birds.

Yes, it watched us the whole time.

My sister feeding the giraffe.

It was a good time.  If you're ever in the Morgantown area, check it out.  It won't take too much time, but it is well worth the drive. 

Panic Attacks

Anyone else deal with panic attacks?

I had one at work yesterday, and it was not a pleasant experience.  My panic attacks are definitely attacks.  Some people I've talked to describe panic attacks as creeping up on you and then you have the attack.  Mine are never like that.  Mine are more like a bus hitting me.  They are sudden and violent, and leave me remarkably shaken.

The attacks have been pretty intense lately and I decided that rather than suffer, I was going to be proactive and go back to therapy to try and get them under control. After my first session last night, it appears that I am also experiencing depressive symptoms.

  All the same, I've had great experience at this place before, and I am confident that things will get better with treatment.  So far, it's just been "get to know you" questions, but it was a pleasant session otherwise.  We'll work out the treatment plan together and hopefully that will help keep things under control.  It felt a little odd leaving last night without anything in place, but I must continue to remind myself that anything worth doing takes time (HINT HINT - readers asking for updates:  I AM WRITING.  I PROMISE!!!).

Leaving a therapy sessions is always fun.  The therapist usually says something like "Have a good week!" or some other cheery form of farewell, but I usually hear this in my head:

So, dear readers...SURVIVE. 

Emma is sick again

You all are not going to believe this...I'm sick again.  I'm beginning to think that the Met Theater is cursed or something.  It seems like every time that I spend any amount of time at the Met, I am sick or injured in some way.  It doesn't have to be after, but it always coincides with me participating in some performance or event at the Met.

At the last performance, I was very sick through the whole thing.  Heck, half of the cast was sick or injured in some way.  I'm pretty sure that no one in the audience knew.  We were just that good...I hope.

This time, I helped at the Year End Festival of Dance.  We don't do recitals, but each class has a chance to perform a little number.  I'm not sure why it's not called a recital, because I thought recitals were when a class performed a number.  Confusing, I think.

Either way, I made it through two nights of this.  I watched some children I've taught since they were three receive their dance belts, which means they are no longer in what is considered baby ballet - when they return in the fall, they will be in regular ballet classes.  I have to admit I teared up a little, watching the little ceremony.  They were mine for three years and now they're off to more difficult classes.  Fly, baby birds!

I went to my ballet class Saturday morning at 9:00 AM.  Mind you, this was after being at the theater until 10:00 PM the night before, and I didn't reach home until about 10:30 PM.  Saturday morning ballet is especially difficult if you're out late the night before.  You sort of stand at the barre like this:

Sleepy kitty, or sleepy dancer?  You decide.

 Even my teacher kept asking why we were having class that early the day after the event.  I could only shrug, but you could tell that neither of us were all there that morning.  I didn't wake up until after barre, which is usually a full hour into class.  That never happens.  I'm usually ready to go at ten minutes into class.

After dance class, I came home, showered, ate something, and then decided to take a nap like a sensible person, since I was so tired.

I woke up sick.  Is there anything more disappointing than going to sleep thinking that you're going to feel awesome and ready to take on the world after a nap and then waking up feeling like you were hit by a truck?

Because that's how I felt.

I actually ended up back in bed before long, clutching tissues and apple juice as though they were the answer to life, the universe, and everything.  My Kindle came in handy as I played audio books to entertain me and I drifted off to sleep several times listening to Matilda or Jane Eyre.

I am still sick, and look a little like this:

Time for more apple juice.

The Owls are staring at me

Does anyone else use the Firefox themes when they are browsing the Internet?  I decided to change mine this morning, and I have discovered that I should really stick with the abstract ones that don't have eyes.  Seriously.

This is what I see in the corner of my browser:

We are watching you...

What a cute design that is also rather creepy at the same time.

I feel a little sorry for the little orange one.  He seems to be having some problems focusing there.

Focus is an issue.

The blue and purple one looks like he wants to make me an offer I can't refuse (digital cake to anyone who can name that reference!!):

An offer you can't refuse.

The pink looks fed up with the other ones.  Just look at him:

 

Fed. Up.

The green owl looks really interested, as though he's just discovered a cure for the common cold:

What's this?!

They make pretty good (if slightly creepy) web companions.

We are watching you browse.

They are watching me....

....and I think I like it.

Less Stressed and NOPE!

Things are finally starting to settle down. 

One of my evening classes is over and suddenly I have a free evening in my schedule.  I'm not entirely sure what I'll be doing.

Sleeping, maybe?

I don't know.

Sleep sounds awesome.

The other side (practical side) says that I'll have more time to dedicate to other things I should be doing. This all goes back to my post about Motivation, Frustration, and Exhaustion, as I'm pretty sure some of that is impacting my decision to avoid certain adult responsibilities.  These are the boring adult responsibilities that I've been having a bit of struggle with in recent weeks.  Organizing my closet.  Filing old bills.  Paying bills.  Weeding out books I'll never read again and giving them away/selling them.  Setting up that expense spreadsheet I've been meaning to set up. Re-organizing my room. Re-doing my budget.  I find them all boring. I don't want to.

When my brain states: "HEY!  LET'S DO THIS!" the other side of my brain goes:

Nope, nope, nope.  Don't want to.  Can't make me.

It's a struggle, I tell you.

If you have struggles like this, please share in the comments below.  I'd like to know I'm not alone in the whole motivation/adulthood nope-ness of avoidance.

Nanowrimo Failure

I just can't seem to get this Nanowrimo thing under control.  This month has been a disaster all the way through in terms of having time to write.  I've been ill, had a root canal, sick again, and had family in to visit, and numerous demands on my time.

I miss writing.

Motivation, Frustration, and Exhaustion

Have you ever really, really wanted to do something, but find yourself unable to get started due to things beyond your control?

I'm having that issue.  There are so many things that I want to accomplish, projects to complete, and social obligations to attend that I find myself in a little bit of a dizzying whirl of "I don't have time!!!" and I end up doing nothing except completely giving up.

Yes, complete with slamming my head on my desk....just like that.

I wish I could blame this on something that was outside of my control, but I can't.  I'm just a crazy person that likes to do too many things at once.

I love the creative drive in my life, even though it takes over too much of my time.  When things become overwhelming, I decide to GET. ORGANIZED.

This is always a bad things, my friends.  As with everything else in my life, I take it a little bit to the extreme.

I get a new planner (which is like getting a new purse for other girls, really....it makes me extremely excited and giddy).

I rush home and frantically input information into it, gearing up for the just-out-of-reach dream that is adult responsibility.

There are baskets filled with objects and categorized in my closet.

My whiteboard is reorganized and redrawn with all of the new things I plan to accomplish.

I outline my writing, do some character mapping, draw a few timelines, and post everything where I can see it.

My desk is cleaned and organized, often with little labels of where everything is supposed to go.

I bullet journal everything I need to do in the next month and decide to start into my adventures.

Everything works well for a little while.  I am able to maintain the madness I have created for myself with little effort.  Chapters are planned.  Blog posts are outlined.  Bill payments are organized.  Workouts scheduled.  Home improvement projects pondered.  I am able to master it all for about three or four weeks.

Then, something happens. It doesn't matter what it is, really.  I may need to stop off at the grocery store and arrive home later than I mean to.  I may have an unexpected appointment with the doctor.  I get sick.  I double book myself.

It's all over.  My meticulous organization falls apart.  I forget to do something.  I procrastinate (one of my worst attributes, really).  I decide that watching the Big Bang Theory is more interesting than the projects I want to do.

What happens after that is usually a period of frantic catch up that leaves me looking a little like this:

Does anyone else experience such a phenomenon?

Or am I alone??

Emma's Crazy Busy Life

People often ask why it takes me so long to update.  My friends....it is a struggle.  My life has changed since the day I could sit disengaged in a classroom, ignoring my professor ramble on in a class I had to take as a requirement, but felt it had no impact on my future (turns out I was right....).

So, Emma's day in "adulthood":

5:00 AM - Wake up thanks to three different alarms. Walk around room shutting off all three alarms, decide I am wake, and get ready to hit the gym.

5:10 AM - Head out the door with a granola bar and a water bottle to the gym.  Work out.

5:45 AM - 6:00 AM -Arrive home from gym and hit the shower.  Get ready for work.  Fight hair into a style and end up staring at a ponytail yet again.

6:30 AM - Second breakfast of real food.

7:00 AM - 7:15 AM - Hit the door to head to work.

7:20 AM - Drop the sister off at her office.  Head to my downtown parking space.

7:30 AM - Arrive at parking spot.  Walk to office (half a mile...nice little walk).

7:40 AM - Arrive at office.  Open, arrange check in materials, turn on lights, and dance in the deserted halls.  (I like to be the first person in the office.)  :)

7:50 AM - 8:20 AM - Greet fellow co-workers as they arrive.  Fend off several offers of coffee.

8:20 AM - 11:00 AM - Various tasks ranging from website coding to scheduling meetings.  I am a jill of all trades in my office.

11:00 AM - 11:10 AM - Walk the therapy dog.  She's super cute and very lovable.

11:10 AM - 12:00 PM - Seek nutrition during lunch hour.  Write on any number of projects or my fanfiction.

12:00 PM - 4:45 PM - More work-related activities.

4:46 PM - Say good-bye to coworkers and head out the door to the car.  Pick up my sister from her office at 5:15 PM.  Arrive home at 5:30 PM.

Depending on the day of the week, I usually leave the house again within an hour of arriving home for: dance, teaching, translation work, or volunteer work.

Most evenings, I can be found holed up with my laptop working on websites, stories, or engaging in Wizard 101 (my latest obsession....).

Hey, even fanfiction writers need to relax.  :)

The Despair Continues

So, my Camp Nanowrimo despair continues.

This past weekend, I had an infection in my tooth (I'm getting a root canal on Wednesday) that caused so much pain that I could only rest on my couch with ice packs on my face while I hoped that the antibiotics would start working.

No writing was accomplished.  At all.

I'm not happy about the root canal, but if it returns me to normal writing abilities, then hey, I can't complain too much, right?

Except...dentist.

I hate the dentist.  I have dental phobia...it's bad.  And the people who do my root canals (specialists, they call them) do not do the happy gas which make dental appointments so much easier for me.  No Valium for Emma, either.  *sigh*  I want to hide. 

Camp Nanowrimo and Despair

So, I'm taking part in Camp Nanowrimo and it's not going well.

I lie.

It was going well until my weekend was shanghaied by family.  My mother came to visit, and NO WRITING WAS ACCOMPLISHED.

I tried.

I lack inspiration.  I really, really want to finish my trilogy.  Sadly, the characters are not speaking to me at the moment.  I honestly can't write at the moment.  After the weekend, I'm seriously in despair over my pathetic word count.

There is another story that's been pretty vocal lately.  I don't want to work on it because I want to finish the trilogy.  I would have to toss all of my notes and the outline for the trilogy and sort of start over seven days into Camp Nanowrimo.


It looks as though the second story won.  I entertained the thought for just a moment, and one of the characters threw an arm around me and crowed "We're going to have SO. MUCH. FUN!!!!"  I give up.