Hello dear readers,
I know, I know.
Trust me. Nothing you could say about the long lack of updates can make me feel any worse than I do right now.
Life has been pretty difficult lately. It's been awesome and inspiring, but it's still been difficult.
I moved in with my best friend in July.
The month before that, I had such a bad depressive episode my old roommates straight up told me they were worried about me.
Somehow, I managed to squeak through for a while and then I failed a graduate school class last semester due to a case of the "I just can't." This case of "I just can't" was due to my depression and anxiety hitting me with a double whammy. I found it difficult to get out of bed and function. Just thinking of getting in the shower was a little too much for me some days. She let me blanket burrito on the couch, made sure I ate a bit, and just kept an eye on me. My best friend has been incredible, and even took her home with me for the Thanksgiving holiday to allow me to recuperate, as I hadn't really been sleeping all that much. I kind of existed on the couch day in to day out.
It was very much a "I am the blanket and the blanket is me" situation for a few weeks. I took time off work because I had trouble focusing and holding things together there. I did see my doctor, my therapist, and my psychiatrist to try and get things back on track. I felt better with a plan in place for treatment, and I felt even better after talking to my school program and discovering that there were options for what I was going through. I love my university.
A week away from home seemed to restore my spirits somewhat. Her mom (whom I also call "Mom") was so very welcoming and it felt like I just belonged there. I received a Kindle Fire, because mine had died a horrible death and Mom had replaced the new Kindle Fire with a larger tablet. I immediately put Minecraft back on my Kindle, and for the next few days, I played Minecraft while avoiding the bad thoughts. The answer to what I was doing became a default "Playing Minecraft" because I find Minecraft so relaxing.
Blackie the cat let me play with him for a while. He is a very selective feline. Dad (my best friend's Dad, that is - whom I also call "Dad") just kind of let me be, kept asking if I was hungry, and watched TV with me and talked about how school was going and how life in Morgantown was treating me. Her brother made me biscuits and gravy in addition to making sure my guest room was all set up. I love my other family so much for always welcoming me home. This makes twice now I have retreated to southern West Virginia for recuperative purposes in my life. Thanksgiving vacation was great, and I didn't want to come home.
Christmas passed by in my usual haze of "Oh how I hate the holidays" and too much food. My car broke down right before Christmas (literally, December 23rd) and there was a bit of a fiasco with my rental car, but I got there and back safely at the end of it. I am still on the lookout for a new car, and I haven't quite decided what kind of car I want yet. Price is key; everything else is extra.
I am still working a full workweek, juggling schoolwork, and hanging out with the best friend. I've had to start a new diet for my health, and boy oh boy, it's WORKING. It's amazing. I'm not hungry. I have been hungry on every single diet out there, and now, the new diet my doctor (and nutritionist, and psychiatrist approved) has recommended is working. I'm almost to the twenty pounds loss mark. I go back for blood tests soon to ensure that the diet is doing what we want it to do, but as a weight loss tool, it's been incredible.
I know that you're all hoping for an update. I want to work on the updates. I just have to put school and work first at this point. I have not abandoned them. I'm just taking a fanfiction hiatus while I work on other things. Soon, I will have free time again (taking a few semesters off before I finish the program), and then I will be all yours again.
Thanks for hanging in there, dear readers. I will return to fanfiction soon.
