Productive...not

Today started out as my "I'm going to be productive" day, but it quickly turned into "nothing finished, not accomplished, life sucks". The only thing I managed to get done was my laundry! The only reason I finished that was because I had absolutely no clothes for tomorrow for work. I suppose that's one thing. Why does productivity manage to take a dive when I least expect it?

Life can be sucky

December was the worst month of my life. It will probably be the worst month of my life for the rest of my life.

First, my car broke down. That in itself wasn't too bad, considering what would follow.

My grandmother died. She was 99 years old, just fifty days short of her 100th birthday. The worst part was, I had to rent a car to go home for the funeral. The weather was terrible, and all sorts of family were coming in from all over for it. Even my Uncle Jack, whom I met for the first (and probably last) time at the funeral home. My uncle has not been to West Virginia for well over thirty years. He never came to see my grandmother, even though he was her firstborn son, and then he shows up at her funeral. Added to everything else, the person in the casket was not my grandmother. It was her body, but it wasn't her. Whatever made her my grandmother was already gone. The funeral didn't really make much of an impression on me. I don't cry at funerals. I'm sure I've upset some family members over my lack of reaction, but it wasn't her.

My twin sister and I were invited to say something. I warned the little ones in the family that they hadn't heard all of the stories about her yet, but they would. Grandma was the matriarch of our family, and I can already see all of us drifting away from each other. She was strong enough to hold us together; we cannot remain as we were without an outside force, and she was certainly an outside force!

This all happened right before the Christmas holidays. It only drives home my personal belief that the Christmas holidays were invented to torture me with frivolity. My entire family, both mother and father sides, were determined to make Christmas a time of too much food and too little quiet. It was rough, as my parents are divorced and both sides want me at a celebration of some sort. Frustrating, that, as I wanted nothing more than to be alone in my little apartment with Christmas carols playing softly in the background, a glass of wine at my elbow, and my own private little celebration taking place before I headed off to Midnight Mass. Instead, I got to watch Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer with the little ones before ushering them off to bed before Santa Claus could come, the whole while attempting not to break their belief. (I figured it out at eight...)

New Years Eve was a blessing.

Life Spiral

My life is spiraling out of my control. My car will need close to eight hundred dollars to fix it. I don't have that kind of money. I'm being shunted back and forth between two offices, and now I have no transportation. My grandmother is in the hospital. She is ninety-nine years old....hundred this February. They say you're never given more than you can handle, but anytime now to stop giving me stuff would be great. Really great. I don't want anything else!

Panic!

The reality of graduating has set in: I don't know what I'm going to do with the rest of my life! Everyone keeps asking me "What are you going to do now?" What do I tell them? I usually grimace with a self-deprecating smile and say "I'm still looking for something."

Honestly, how long does it usually take someone to find something directly after graduation? I don't need THE JOB, but just a job that will pay my rent. That's all I care about! Rent paid, car insurance paid, bills paid. End of story. Why does everyone seem to think that someone with a degree is too good to work for them? I'm entry-level. Be kind.

It's really late, and I have a lot of family coming in tomorrow. My best friend in the whole wide world is here tonight, and we stayed up talking just like we used to do when we were roommates. We plot our takeover of the world, plan our futures, and ponder why the rum is gone. Seriously. We ponder where the rum has gone. Must go to bed. The alarm is going off early tomorrow.

Graduation - Look Out World...Here Comes Emma!

I just wanted to thank everyone for their support as I finished my degree. It is official. I am graduating this Sunday at 2:00 PM. Most of my family will be there and I am receiving two degrees, one in English and one in German.

I am finished. I will again have some resemblance of a life. First, I must find a full time job. I'll keep you posted about the search. Here's hoping it's a good job, with decent pay, and perhaps benefits. That would be nice. Wish me luck!

Books on Emma's Shelf

A few people have asked me about what I read. Here's a few things currently holding a place on one of my four bookshelves. In no particular order:

Sherlock Holmes (the entire collection) by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Ishmael by Quinn

Jane Eyre by Bronte

Oliver Twist by Dickens

The Jungle by Sinclair

The Prince by Machiavelli

The World's Religions by Smith

Invisible Man by Ellison

The Lord of the Rings by Tolkien

and Harry Potter! (Of course!)

SPRING BREAK!!!!

SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!!SPRING BREAK!!!!SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!!SPRING BREAK!!!!SPRING BREAK!!!!SPRING BREAK!!!!SPRING BREAK!!!!SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!!SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!!SPRING BREAK!!!!SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!!

Yeah, I'm excited.