I want to write...but grad school

Hello, dear readers!

I know.  Some of you must have given me up for dead.  Let's just say that graduate school has turned out a fair bit more challenging than I originally thought it would.  I guess I underestimated it.

Dance is not happening at the moment.  One of my old injuries flared up, and if I even so much as look at a dance shoe, my ankle laughs at me and swells up just to remind me that it is injured and it won't be doing anything, thanks so much.  It's annoying.

I'm currently camped out in my hometown's library because my mother doesn't have Internet at her house and I'm ostensibly doing homework.  I'm also taking the time to catch up on my social media and my fanfiction.

I know it's been while since I updated.  I have to admit that I'm not doing much writing at the moment.  In my current class, I have a three-four page paper due each week in addition to readings, classwork, and other assignments.  It's great having an online class, because I don't have to change my work schedule.  It's also really hard because there is a schedule to get all of this work done, and it doesn't fit very well with me.

Once the semester is over, I plan to take my laptop to the coffee shop and camp out there until I have something in terms of a chapter.  "An Aunt's Love" is so close I can almost feel it.   "What is Right" - yeah, the next few chapters are going to be fun.  :)  I've never forgotten my stories - I just haven't had much time to spend with them.

Thank you, dear readers, for your patience.  I will make you all a promise here and now:  there will be an update on both stories before the new year commences.

Until then, you're all awesome. 

Is this thing on?

Hello dear readers!

I am pleased to report that I am still alive.  I managed to survive the horrible winter we were having (though our snow fall pales in comparison to Boston).

There's not a lot to report.  I wish I could say that I am ready to update, but I am not.  My wonderful beta has sent back the next chapter of "An Aunt's Love" so I am hoping to get everything ready to go soon.  (THANK YOU, BETA!!!!)

Unfortunately, school has had to come first this semester, and that means that the last thing I want to do when I come home at night is write.  My brain's been exhausted between work and school.  That will all be over soon.  My final assignment is due on April 30th, and that weekend, my best friend is coming in from out of town and will be here for four whole days!!  (Can you feel the excitement?!?!)

Anyone else watching Avengers that weekend?  I know my friend and I are planning on spending some time in the movie theater that weekend to see Age of Ultron. I have a feeling that it's going to be full of sass like the original Avengers.  I've heard tell that there isn't going to be an end credits scene, but I say that there MUST be an end credit scene, as it is tradition in the MCU.

Anyone else have epic plans that weekend?

I did it!

Hello dear readers!

I am happy to report I have turned in my last assignment for the semester.  I am free!  Woot woot!

I did not dislike the class by any stretch of the imagination.  It was fun dipping my toes back into academia, but at the same time, the class was a freshman level class.  It felt like going back to first grade for me.  A lot of the assignments were busy work to get people to think about how to write a paper.  I already knew that, so this was more of a refresher for me.

I did have some fun, though, and now that the final assignment is turned in, I'm sure I'll miss the class.  The professor was a great person to talk with and we had a couple of nice conversations about literature and writing.

By the way, if you're looking for something new to read, I can recommend Joan Didion's work.  She's an amazing author. Go check her out.  ;)

Nanowrimo is dead....long live Nanowrimo!

Hello dear readers!

Emma has been a busy girl lately, and I am sorry to say that ALL writing has taken a back seat to recent events.

First, there is a full time job at which I spend roughly forty hours per week, followed closely by my second "job" at the dance studio.  I don't get paid except through free dance lessons, but I've finally decided to get my teacher certification for both early childhood dance programs at my studio.  The certification won't happen until the summer, so I have some time before I have to go through training.

I am also taking a college class this semester.  After I walked at graduation and received my little envelope that was supposed to contain my diploma, I discovered my envelope contained a notice that I hadn't met requirements.  So now I am taking the last two courses to finish my requirements.  I'm taking   Why they couldn't have told me that BEFORE graduation remains a mystery.  I didn't realize how much time a simple course would take.  There is a lot of busy work assignments and I can understand the reason behind them, but I seriously don't need to list my thesis, block out my paragraphs, and explain the reason I chose to structure my essay that way.  I've written papers of about thirty pages.  I can handle five without having to break it down.

Therapy is going well, and we're talking about how to wrap it up.  My therapist is concerned that I'm reaching burnout (not sure how it happened.....but I managed to over schedule myself again).  I think it's because I didn't realize how much time my college class would take.

Needless to say, something had to go.  Nanowrimo ended up being the thing on the chopping block.  Nanowrimo takes a ton of time, especially when I did almost no preparation because lack of time.  That's right - it's pantsing.  I'm not sure where the term came from, but it means to undertake a Nanowrimo project without any preparation.  It's HARD.

Well, dear readers, here's hoping that the upcoming holiday (and break from dance!!) means I'll get a little rest, and a little time to focus on writing!

Emma is back in school!

Hello, dear readers!

Yes, the title is true.  I am back in school!  When I "graduated" in 2008, I did walk in the graduation ceremonies.  I remember my feet hurt and no one knew the words to the school song, but we all knew the words to "Country Roads."  There was even a girl sitting behind me questioning why we weren't singing "Country Roads" and that she didn't know the words to the other one (I had never heard it before graduation, either.).

It was only after graduation that I found out that I did not complete all requirements.  Nice little graduation present there.  There I am, surrounding by family, my feet blistering in my shoes, and a nice little note in the envelope that was supposed to hold my diploma:  "You have not completed the required coursework..."

I was livid.

I took this class in high school, but the credits were lost in translation somewhere along the way between transfers.  I did not know this, and neither of my advisors (yes, I had TWO) caught this.  Neither did I.  I thought everything was finished and I was going to leave with my diploma and student debt in tow behind me while I went off in the adult world.

Some of that happened.  I did leave school behind, and I took my student debt with me, but no diploma.  One class short.  Luckily, this semester, I was able to enroll in that class so that I can finish my degree.  Woot woot.

My first paper is three pages long.  Three pages.  The last paper I wrote was thirty pages long.  I have a feeling that this class is going to go well.  And it's online!  I didn't have to change my work schedule at all to take this class!  It's pretty awesome.  :)

Now I just need to figure out my first paper topic....

Ideas

Hello dear readers!

Ever have so many ideas that your only hope was to snatch a notebook and write them all down because you didn't want to forget them?  I have woken up with ideas, had ideas show up during a shower or while I'm washing dishes (plot bunnies are hydrophilic little critters), while I'm in dance class, while I'm driving - well, you get the idea.  They show up all the time, and usually when I have no notebook available.

I am currently sitting on two great ideas for fanfiction.  One takes place after the Final Battle in Year Seven, and the other takes place during...and after the Final Battle.  It's kind of hard to explain that one.  :)  All the same, they're both awesome stories.  The first is full of reconciliation between characters that make all my feels go a little psycho.  The second is more of an exploration of a situation.  In other words, characters are put in an impossible situation and I kind of sit back and watch.

They're both AMAZING ideas (if I do say so myself...).  I just haven't had time to really put them down on paper, and I know that some of you might actually lynch me if I start new stories without updating the old ones.

My current count of original fiction ideas stands at thirty-one.  Yes, thirty-one.  Three and one together to form a number that matches my age.

Some of them are awesome, others are close to my heart, and some are annoying little idiots that can't seem to keep themselves out of trouble.  One of the characters, Michael, is in the hospital at the moment.  It's not a bad injury, but he did just get over an illness.

They're all in a bit of trouble at the moment.  Cathy just got kicked out of classes...again, Kal is having some issues with a dark wizard, Jade is, well, hiding, and a few others are running.  There is a lot of running.  It's like Doctor Who in my head.

Yes, this does signal the end of the Illness-That-Can't-Be-Named.  Updates are coming!

Lacking Inspiration and Other Tales of Desperation

I cannot name the dread disease that has befallen me in the last week, my dear readers.  To name it is to claim it, and if I claim it, then it will hang around for a while and make itself at home.

I try everything I can to dissuade this unwelcome visitor, every tip or trick other writers have taught me to be rid of it.  I wish that there was a spray of some kind to rid myself of this little pestilence. 

I can't even finish a blog post because I lack the inspiration.  Can't get much more pathetic here....

Just can't....

What Sorcery Is This?

Against all odds, dear readers, I have actually managed some progress this month in Camp Nanowrimo.  I know, it's incredible!

I am the happy writer with 41,309 words to her name and it just keeps coming along with more and more words every day.  I'm not sure where this is coming from really, as two weeks ago I could not have cared less if this had happened.  IT IS HAPPENING!!!  :)

The best part is that nothing is wrong with it.  I know that sounds strange, but there is nothing wrong with the story at the moment.  The characters are cooperating, the plot is moving along nicely, the setting is perfect, the dialogue is good.

Wait a moment....

This almost never happens to me.  It is usually an uphill battle the whole way, fighting characters, forcing dialogue....

Hmm.  I probably shouldn't question this until after I reach my goal.

I'll keep you posted.

Hi there!

Hello dear readers!

I am sorry to say that I do not have an update for you just yet.  I am working on one, I promise.  It's just not happening the way I want it to go.

The characters all want to do their own thing, and I want them to do what I want them to do. 

You see, I am the one with blue hair, and they are winning this fight.

*sigh*

Any other writers experience this phenomenon?

Panic Attacks

Anyone else deal with panic attacks?

I had one at work yesterday, and it was not a pleasant experience.  My panic attacks are definitely attacks.  Some people I've talked to describe panic attacks as creeping up on you and then you have the attack.  Mine are never like that.  Mine are more like a bus hitting me.  They are sudden and violent, and leave me remarkably shaken.

The attacks have been pretty intense lately and I decided that rather than suffer, I was going to be proactive and go back to therapy to try and get them under control. After my first session last night, it appears that I am also experiencing depressive symptoms.

  All the same, I've had great experience at this place before, and I am confident that things will get better with treatment.  So far, it's just been "get to know you" questions, but it was a pleasant session otherwise.  We'll work out the treatment plan together and hopefully that will help keep things under control.  It felt a little odd leaving last night without anything in place, but I must continue to remind myself that anything worth doing takes time (HINT HINT - readers asking for updates:  I AM WRITING.  I PROMISE!!!).

Leaving a therapy sessions is always fun.  The therapist usually says something like "Have a good week!" or some other cheery form of farewell, but I usually hear this in my head:

So, dear readers...SURVIVE. 

Nanowrimo Failure

I just can't seem to get this Nanowrimo thing under control.  This month has been a disaster all the way through in terms of having time to write.  I've been ill, had a root canal, sick again, and had family in to visit, and numerous demands on my time.

I miss writing.

Motivation, Frustration, and Exhaustion

Have you ever really, really wanted to do something, but find yourself unable to get started due to things beyond your control?

I'm having that issue.  There are so many things that I want to accomplish, projects to complete, and social obligations to attend that I find myself in a little bit of a dizzying whirl of "I don't have time!!!" and I end up doing nothing except completely giving up.

Yes, complete with slamming my head on my desk....just like that.

I wish I could blame this on something that was outside of my control, but I can't.  I'm just a crazy person that likes to do too many things at once.

I love the creative drive in my life, even though it takes over too much of my time.  When things become overwhelming, I decide to GET. ORGANIZED.

This is always a bad things, my friends.  As with everything else in my life, I take it a little bit to the extreme.

I get a new planner (which is like getting a new purse for other girls, really....it makes me extremely excited and giddy).

I rush home and frantically input information into it, gearing up for the just-out-of-reach dream that is adult responsibility.

There are baskets filled with objects and categorized in my closet.

My whiteboard is reorganized and redrawn with all of the new things I plan to accomplish.

I outline my writing, do some character mapping, draw a few timelines, and post everything where I can see it.

My desk is cleaned and organized, often with little labels of where everything is supposed to go.

I bullet journal everything I need to do in the next month and decide to start into my adventures.

Everything works well for a little while.  I am able to maintain the madness I have created for myself with little effort.  Chapters are planned.  Blog posts are outlined.  Bill payments are organized.  Workouts scheduled.  Home improvement projects pondered.  I am able to master it all for about three or four weeks.

Then, something happens. It doesn't matter what it is, really.  I may need to stop off at the grocery store and arrive home later than I mean to.  I may have an unexpected appointment with the doctor.  I get sick.  I double book myself.

It's all over.  My meticulous organization falls apart.  I forget to do something.  I procrastinate (one of my worst attributes, really).  I decide that watching the Big Bang Theory is more interesting than the projects I want to do.

What happens after that is usually a period of frantic catch up that leaves me looking a little like this:

Does anyone else experience such a phenomenon?

Or am I alone??

Camp Nanowrimo and Despair

So, I'm taking part in Camp Nanowrimo and it's not going well.

I lie.

It was going well until my weekend was shanghaied by family.  My mother came to visit, and NO WRITING WAS ACCOMPLISHED.

I tried.

I lack inspiration.  I really, really want to finish my trilogy.  Sadly, the characters are not speaking to me at the moment.  I honestly can't write at the moment.  After the weekend, I'm seriously in despair over my pathetic word count.

There is another story that's been pretty vocal lately.  I don't want to work on it because I want to finish the trilogy.  I would have to toss all of my notes and the outline for the trilogy and sort of start over seven days into Camp Nanowrimo.


It looks as though the second story won.  I entertained the thought for just a moment, and one of the characters threw an arm around me and crowed "We're going to have SO. MUCH. FUN!!!!"  I give up.

                         

Here comes the thaw...

Kudos to anyone who read the title and started singing "Here Comes the Sun."  Actually, that's kind of what this post is about.  We have a reprieve here in Morgantown, WV from the cold, snowy, and generally icky weather patterns we've had now for a month and a half.

Snow, icicles and slush are starting to melt today, and you can hear the dripping water running everywhere.  It certainly lifted my mood to experience that today, and now I am ready to be productive by running all of the errands I've put off for two weeks.  My to-do list is pretty long and requires some effort to finish everything in a reasonable amount of time.

My only hindrance is the constant rehearsals, teaching, and dancing at the studio.  I have to be there tonight and Friday night; I'm helping with a Leap n Learn (my studio's version of pre-ballet) class, and Friday night is rehearsal.  Busy, busy.

I am up to six pages on the new chapter of "An Aunt's Love" and hope to finish it soon.  I am even taking my notebook with me to work so that I can work on the chapter on my lunch hour.  :)

I am actually writing!

It's almost bizarre, but I've written three whole pages since I updated.  Three whole pages.  It's wonderful, but it also feels a little like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.  My mind keeps protesting that this is not normal for me.

It used to be months between writing bouts. Literally months.  As in six to seven months.

It's a little frightening.  It makes me wonder if this is a return to the levels of updating awesome I used to have instead of the past year and a half of "I've got nothing" when I've tried to work on my fanfiction.

Either way, I'm glad it's happening.  It means the characters are pleased and wanting to interact with me...or something.  I'm hoping to sit down tonight and do some more work on it, so keep your fingers crossed.

The Weekend That Wasn't

My weekend passed by in a blur of illness, frantic rushing about, and too much time at the dance studio.

Friday I was home sick due to a random attack of particularly bizarre flu-like symptoms.  These symptoms were enough to cause me to consider staying home within minutes of waking up.  My usual "stay home" decisions are made after getting up, maybe getting into the shower, getting dressed, and attempting breakfast.  It is about this time that my good sense overrides my feelings of responsibility in making it to work.  One part of my brain is saying "Must go to work - things to do!" and the other part of my brain is screaming "Go back to bed!  You're SICK.  Do not spread illness!!"

This time, however, I sat up, looked around my room in the pre-dawn light, brain went "Nope!  We're sick!  Really sick!" and I texted my supervisor before allowing myself to cuddle back into my blankets until my sister woke me at seven AM, asking why I wasn't ready to go.

I still had to drive her to work, since she doesn't drive.  In my sick state.  It was an adventure, especially since I fell on some ice and sliced my hand open.  Imagine me driving in my car, blood oozing down my hand while trying to make a left-hand turn.  An adventure, I tell you.

After dropping off my sister, I returned home, where I promptly returned to my pajamas and bed.  I then descended into bizarre dreams that I'm still trying to understand.  I managed to find some electrolyte drink stashed in the pantry from the last time illness ran through my apartment, drank some of it, and when back to sleep.  I woke briefly at 5:00, when I had to go and retrieve my sister from work.  After returning home, I went back to sleep.

Saturday, I woke up very early and thought I felt better.  I had an event at my dance studio for volunteer work, so I decided it would be a great idea to go.  I spent five hours there, from 9:00 AM to 2:00 PM.  The kids were adorable, but it was way too much for my introverted ways and I returned home, unwilling to socialize with anyone.  I locked myself in my room with my laptop and headphones and worked on the outline for the next chapter of AAL, emerging only for pizza and an episode of the Big Bang Theory.  (I swear, that show is my life.)

Sunday, church was out of the question as my roommate's friend was in town visiting.  I managed to sleep in a little bit, eat some leftover pizza for breakfast, and then returned to my computer for a round of "let's see if we can work on something productive!"  I did manage something productive, but I spent a lot of time checking outside to see what the snow cover was like.  It was bad.  One of my friends ended up taking me to rehearsal, where I spent all of forty-five minutes.  Most of that was watching others and walking on when I needed to.  All in all, very short rehearsal, when my friend returned to save me from the snow.  (She's my hero.)

Suddenly, it's nine o'clock at night on a Sunday, and my brain suddenly caught up with me going "where did our weekend go?"  I woke up this morning, frantic with the idea that I had lost a day somehow.  It's like a time warp.  (Oddly enough, I was listening Rocky Horror Picture Show while I was writing this weekend.)  Just a jump to the left!

Holy Crap - I forgot I had this blog!!!

So...I completely forgot I had this blog.  As in, "Hey, I should set up a blog on Blogger since I already have a Gmail account!" and IT. WAS. ALREADY. THERE!!!!

I even love the theme, which I must have chosen once upon a time.  I have no memory of this place.  I feel like Gandalf.

I've been maintaining a blog on my website...hmm....how to link these two.  I need to look into that.  So, expect updates, because I fully intend on making use of this.  :)