Hello dear readers!
I would like to say that I have one chapter completed and one more underway for "An Aunt's Love!" I hesitated to post the last chapter due to the content, and my therapist suggested posting two chapters at once to mitigate the content of the first. She is brilliant, my friends. Simply brilliant. I am working on the next chapter right now, so I will hopefully have something ready to post in a few weeks.
I did not complete Nanowrimo, or even Camp Nanowrimo in April. I'm not looking at it as failure. I have more words on the page for one of my novels...so, it's still a win?
Look at me finding those silver linings. My therapist would be proud.
That being said, I'm still looking for those interested in reading some of my original work for the simple price of feedback. Beta reading, basically. I have several different stories underway (cue maniacal laughter here) in a few different genres. Fantasy? Dystopian? Any takers?
Until next time, readers!
Showing posts with label therapy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label therapy. Show all posts
Friday, May 31, 2019
Sunday, February 05, 2017
Life, Updates, and other Sundry
Hello dear readers,
I know, I know.
Trust me. Nothing you could say about the long lack of updates can make me feel any worse than I do right now.
Life has been pretty difficult lately. It's been awesome and inspiring, but it's still been difficult.
I moved in with my best friend in July.
The month before that, I had such a bad depressive episode my old roommates straight up told me they were worried about me.
Somehow, I managed to squeak through for a while and then I failed a graduate school class last semester due to a case of the "I just can't." This case of "I just can't" was due to my depression and anxiety hitting me with a double whammy. I found it difficult to get out of bed and function. Just thinking of getting in the shower was a little too much for me some days. She let me blanket burrito on the couch, made sure I ate a bit, and just kept an eye on me. My best friend has been incredible, and even took her home with me for the Thanksgiving holiday to allow me to recuperate, as I hadn't really been sleeping all that much. I kind of existed on the couch day in to day out.
It was very much a "I am the blanket and the blanket is me" situation for a few weeks. I took time off work because I had trouble focusing and holding things together there. I did see my doctor, my therapist, and my psychiatrist to try and get things back on track. I felt better with a plan in place for treatment, and I felt even better after talking to my school program and discovering that there were options for what I was going through. I love my university.
A week away from home seemed to restore my spirits somewhat. Her mom (whom I also call "Mom") was so very welcoming and it felt like I just belonged there. I received a Kindle Fire, because mine had died a horrible death and Mom had replaced the new Kindle Fire with a larger tablet. I immediately put Minecraft back on my Kindle, and for the next few days, I played Minecraft while avoiding the bad thoughts. The answer to what I was doing became a default "Playing Minecraft" because I find Minecraft so relaxing.
Blackie the cat let me play with him for a while. He is a very selective feline. Dad (my best friend's Dad, that is - whom I also call "Dad") just kind of let me be, kept asking if I was hungry, and watched TV with me and talked about how school was going and how life in Morgantown was treating me. Her brother made me biscuits and gravy in addition to making sure my guest room was all set up. I love my other family so much for always welcoming me home. This makes twice now I have retreated to southern West Virginia for recuperative purposes in my life. Thanksgiving vacation was great, and I didn't want to come home.
Christmas passed by in my usual haze of "Oh how I hate the holidays" and too much food. My car broke down right before Christmas (literally, December 23rd) and there was a bit of a fiasco with my rental car, but I got there and back safely at the end of it. I am still on the lookout for a new car, and I haven't quite decided what kind of car I want yet. Price is key; everything else is extra.
I am still working a full workweek, juggling schoolwork, and hanging out with the best friend. I've had to start a new diet for my health, and boy oh boy, it's WORKING. It's amazing. I'm not hungry. I have been hungry on every single diet out there, and now, the new diet my doctor (and nutritionist, and psychiatrist approved) has recommended is working. I'm almost to the twenty pounds loss mark. I go back for blood tests soon to ensure that the diet is doing what we want it to do, but as a weight loss tool, it's been incredible.
I know that you're all hoping for an update. I want to work on the updates. I just have to put school and work first at this point. I have not abandoned them. I'm just taking a fanfiction hiatus while I work on other things. Soon, I will have free time again (taking a few semesters off before I finish the program), and then I will be all yours again.
Thanks for hanging in there, dear readers. I will return to fanfiction soon.
I know, I know.
Trust me. Nothing you could say about the long lack of updates can make me feel any worse than I do right now.
Life has been pretty difficult lately. It's been awesome and inspiring, but it's still been difficult.
I moved in with my best friend in July.
The month before that, I had such a bad depressive episode my old roommates straight up told me they were worried about me.
Somehow, I managed to squeak through for a while and then I failed a graduate school class last semester due to a case of the "I just can't." This case of "I just can't" was due to my depression and anxiety hitting me with a double whammy. I found it difficult to get out of bed and function. Just thinking of getting in the shower was a little too much for me some days. She let me blanket burrito on the couch, made sure I ate a bit, and just kept an eye on me. My best friend has been incredible, and even took her home with me for the Thanksgiving holiday to allow me to recuperate, as I hadn't really been sleeping all that much. I kind of existed on the couch day in to day out.
It was very much a "I am the blanket and the blanket is me" situation for a few weeks. I took time off work because I had trouble focusing and holding things together there. I did see my doctor, my therapist, and my psychiatrist to try and get things back on track. I felt better with a plan in place for treatment, and I felt even better after talking to my school program and discovering that there were options for what I was going through. I love my university.
A week away from home seemed to restore my spirits somewhat. Her mom (whom I also call "Mom") was so very welcoming and it felt like I just belonged there. I received a Kindle Fire, because mine had died a horrible death and Mom had replaced the new Kindle Fire with a larger tablet. I immediately put Minecraft back on my Kindle, and for the next few days, I played Minecraft while avoiding the bad thoughts. The answer to what I was doing became a default "Playing Minecraft" because I find Minecraft so relaxing.
Blackie the cat let me play with him for a while. He is a very selective feline. Dad (my best friend's Dad, that is - whom I also call "Dad") just kind of let me be, kept asking if I was hungry, and watched TV with me and talked about how school was going and how life in Morgantown was treating me. Her brother made me biscuits and gravy in addition to making sure my guest room was all set up. I love my other family so much for always welcoming me home. This makes twice now I have retreated to southern West Virginia for recuperative purposes in my life. Thanksgiving vacation was great, and I didn't want to come home.
Christmas passed by in my usual haze of "Oh how I hate the holidays" and too much food. My car broke down right before Christmas (literally, December 23rd) and there was a bit of a fiasco with my rental car, but I got there and back safely at the end of it. I am still on the lookout for a new car, and I haven't quite decided what kind of car I want yet. Price is key; everything else is extra.
I am still working a full workweek, juggling schoolwork, and hanging out with the best friend. I've had to start a new diet for my health, and boy oh boy, it's WORKING. It's amazing. I'm not hungry. I have been hungry on every single diet out there, and now, the new diet my doctor (and nutritionist, and psychiatrist approved) has recommended is working. I'm almost to the twenty pounds loss mark. I go back for blood tests soon to ensure that the diet is doing what we want it to do, but as a weight loss tool, it's been incredible.
I know that you're all hoping for an update. I want to work on the updates. I just have to put school and work first at this point. I have not abandoned them. I'm just taking a fanfiction hiatus while I work on other things. Soon, I will have free time again (taking a few semesters off before I finish the program), and then I will be all yours again.
Thanks for hanging in there, dear readers. I will return to fanfiction soon.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Nanowrimo is dead....long live Nanowrimo!
Hello dear readers!
Emma has been a busy girl lately, and I am sorry to say that ALL writing has taken a back seat to recent events.
First, there is a full time job at which I spend roughly forty hours per week, followed closely by my second "job" at the dance studio. I don't get paid except through free dance lessons, but I've finally decided to get my teacher certification for both early childhood dance programs at my studio. The certification won't happen until the summer, so I have some time before I have to go through training.
I am also taking a college class this semester. After I walked at graduation and received my little envelope that was supposed to contain my diploma, I discovered my envelope contained a notice that I hadn't met requirements. So now I am taking the last two courses to finish my requirements. I'm taking Why they couldn't have told me that BEFORE graduation remains a mystery. I didn't realize how much time a simple course would take. There is a lot of busy work assignments and I can understand the reason behind them, but I seriously don't need to list my thesis, block out my paragraphs, and explain the reason I chose to structure my essay that way. I've written papers of about thirty pages. I can handle five without having to break it down.
Therapy is going well, and we're talking about how to wrap it up. My therapist is concerned that I'm reaching burnout (not sure how it happened.....but I managed to over schedule myself again). I think it's because I didn't realize how much time my college class would take.
Needless to say, something had to go. Nanowrimo ended up being the thing on the chopping block. Nanowrimo takes a ton of time, especially when I did almost no preparation because lack of time. That's right - it's pantsing. I'm not sure where the term came from, but it means to undertake a Nanowrimo project without any preparation. It's HARD.
Well, dear readers, here's hoping that the upcoming holiday (and break from dance!!) means I'll get a little rest, and a little time to focus on writing!
Emma has been a busy girl lately, and I am sorry to say that ALL writing has taken a back seat to recent events.
First, there is a full time job at which I spend roughly forty hours per week, followed closely by my second "job" at the dance studio. I don't get paid except through free dance lessons, but I've finally decided to get my teacher certification for both early childhood dance programs at my studio. The certification won't happen until the summer, so I have some time before I have to go through training.
I am also taking a college class this semester. After I walked at graduation and received my little envelope that was supposed to contain my diploma, I discovered my envelope contained a notice that I hadn't met requirements. So now I am taking the last two courses to finish my requirements. I'm taking Why they couldn't have told me that BEFORE graduation remains a mystery. I didn't realize how much time a simple course would take. There is a lot of busy work assignments and I can understand the reason behind them, but I seriously don't need to list my thesis, block out my paragraphs, and explain the reason I chose to structure my essay that way. I've written papers of about thirty pages. I can handle five without having to break it down.
Therapy is going well, and we're talking about how to wrap it up. My therapist is concerned that I'm reaching burnout (not sure how it happened.....but I managed to over schedule myself again). I think it's because I didn't realize how much time my college class would take.
Needless to say, something had to go. Nanowrimo ended up being the thing on the chopping block. Nanowrimo takes a ton of time, especially when I did almost no preparation because lack of time. That's right - it's pantsing. I'm not sure where the term came from, but it means to undertake a Nanowrimo project without any preparation. It's HARD.
Well, dear readers, here's hoping that the upcoming holiday (and break from dance!!) means I'll get a little rest, and a little time to focus on writing!
Friday, May 30, 2014
Panic Attacks
Anyone else deal with panic attacks?
I had one at work yesterday, and it was not a pleasant experience. My panic attacks are definitely attacks. Some people I've talked to describe panic attacks as creeping up on you and then you have the attack. Mine are never like that. Mine are more like a bus hitting me. They are sudden and violent, and leave me remarkably shaken.
The attacks have been pretty intense lately and I decided that rather than suffer, I was going to be proactive and go back to therapy to try and get them under control. After my first session last night, it appears that I am also experiencing depressive symptoms.
All the same, I've had great experience at this place before, and I am confident that things will get better with treatment. So far, it's just been "get to know you" questions, but it was a pleasant session otherwise. We'll work out the treatment plan together and hopefully that will help keep things under control. It felt a little odd leaving last night without anything in place, but I must continue to remind myself that anything worth doing takes time (HINT HINT - readers asking for updates: I AM WRITING. I PROMISE!!!).
Leaving a therapy sessions is always fun. The therapist usually says something like "Have a good week!" or some other cheery form of farewell, but I usually hear this in my head:
So, dear readers...SURVIVE.
I had one at work yesterday, and it was not a pleasant experience. My panic attacks are definitely attacks. Some people I've talked to describe panic attacks as creeping up on you and then you have the attack. Mine are never like that. Mine are more like a bus hitting me. They are sudden and violent, and leave me remarkably shaken.
The attacks have been pretty intense lately and I decided that rather than suffer, I was going to be proactive and go back to therapy to try and get them under control. After my first session last night, it appears that I am also experiencing depressive symptoms.
All the same, I've had great experience at this place before, and I am confident that things will get better with treatment. So far, it's just been "get to know you" questions, but it was a pleasant session otherwise. We'll work out the treatment plan together and hopefully that will help keep things under control. It felt a little odd leaving last night without anything in place, but I must continue to remind myself that anything worth doing takes time (HINT HINT - readers asking for updates: I AM WRITING. I PROMISE!!!).
Leaving a therapy sessions is always fun. The therapist usually says something like "Have a good week!" or some other cheery form of farewell, but I usually hear this in my head:
So, dear readers...SURVIVE.
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