The Owls are staring at me

Does anyone else use the Firefox themes when they are browsing the Internet?  I decided to change mine this morning, and I have discovered that I should really stick with the abstract ones that don't have eyes.  Seriously.

This is what I see in the corner of my browser:

We are watching you...

What a cute design that is also rather creepy at the same time.

I feel a little sorry for the little orange one.  He seems to be having some problems focusing there.

Focus is an issue.

The blue and purple one looks like he wants to make me an offer I can't refuse (digital cake to anyone who can name that reference!!):

An offer you can't refuse.

The pink looks fed up with the other ones.  Just look at him:

 

Fed. Up.

The green owl looks really interested, as though he's just discovered a cure for the common cold:

What's this?!

They make pretty good (if slightly creepy) web companions.

We are watching you browse.

They are watching me....

....and I think I like it.

Less Stressed and NOPE!

Things are finally starting to settle down. 

One of my evening classes is over and suddenly I have a free evening in my schedule.  I'm not entirely sure what I'll be doing.

Sleeping, maybe?

I don't know.

Sleep sounds awesome.

The other side (practical side) says that I'll have more time to dedicate to other things I should be doing. This all goes back to my post about Motivation, Frustration, and Exhaustion, as I'm pretty sure some of that is impacting my decision to avoid certain adult responsibilities.  These are the boring adult responsibilities that I've been having a bit of struggle with in recent weeks.  Organizing my closet.  Filing old bills.  Paying bills.  Weeding out books I'll never read again and giving them away/selling them.  Setting up that expense spreadsheet I've been meaning to set up. Re-organizing my room. Re-doing my budget.  I find them all boring. I don't want to.

When my brain states: "HEY!  LET'S DO THIS!" the other side of my brain goes:

Nope, nope, nope.  Don't want to.  Can't make me.

It's a struggle, I tell you.

If you have struggles like this, please share in the comments below.  I'd like to know I'm not alone in the whole motivation/adulthood nope-ness of avoidance.

Nanowrimo Failure

I just can't seem to get this Nanowrimo thing under control.  This month has been a disaster all the way through in terms of having time to write.  I've been ill, had a root canal, sick again, and had family in to visit, and numerous demands on my time.

I miss writing.

Motivation, Frustration, and Exhaustion

Have you ever really, really wanted to do something, but find yourself unable to get started due to things beyond your control?

I'm having that issue.  There are so many things that I want to accomplish, projects to complete, and social obligations to attend that I find myself in a little bit of a dizzying whirl of "I don't have time!!!" and I end up doing nothing except completely giving up.

Yes, complete with slamming my head on my desk....just like that.

I wish I could blame this on something that was outside of my control, but I can't.  I'm just a crazy person that likes to do too many things at once.

I love the creative drive in my life, even though it takes over too much of my time.  When things become overwhelming, I decide to GET. ORGANIZED.

This is always a bad things, my friends.  As with everything else in my life, I take it a little bit to the extreme.

I get a new planner (which is like getting a new purse for other girls, really....it makes me extremely excited and giddy).

I rush home and frantically input information into it, gearing up for the just-out-of-reach dream that is adult responsibility.

There are baskets filled with objects and categorized in my closet.

My whiteboard is reorganized and redrawn with all of the new things I plan to accomplish.

I outline my writing, do some character mapping, draw a few timelines, and post everything where I can see it.

My desk is cleaned and organized, often with little labels of where everything is supposed to go.

I bullet journal everything I need to do in the next month and decide to start into my adventures.

Everything works well for a little while.  I am able to maintain the madness I have created for myself with little effort.  Chapters are planned.  Blog posts are outlined.  Bill payments are organized.  Workouts scheduled.  Home improvement projects pondered.  I am able to master it all for about three or four weeks.

Then, something happens. It doesn't matter what it is, really.  I may need to stop off at the grocery store and arrive home later than I mean to.  I may have an unexpected appointment with the doctor.  I get sick.  I double book myself.

It's all over.  My meticulous organization falls apart.  I forget to do something.  I procrastinate (one of my worst attributes, really).  I decide that watching the Big Bang Theory is more interesting than the projects I want to do.

What happens after that is usually a period of frantic catch up that leaves me looking a little like this:

Does anyone else experience such a phenomenon?

Or am I alone??

Emma's Crazy Busy Life

People often ask why it takes me so long to update.  My friends....it is a struggle.  My life has changed since the day I could sit disengaged in a classroom, ignoring my professor ramble on in a class I had to take as a requirement, but felt it had no impact on my future (turns out I was right....).

So, Emma's day in "adulthood":

5:00 AM - Wake up thanks to three different alarms. Walk around room shutting off all three alarms, decide I am wake, and get ready to hit the gym.

5:10 AM - Head out the door with a granola bar and a water bottle to the gym.  Work out.

5:45 AM - 6:00 AM -Arrive home from gym and hit the shower.  Get ready for work.  Fight hair into a style and end up staring at a ponytail yet again.

6:30 AM - Second breakfast of real food.

7:00 AM - 7:15 AM - Hit the door to head to work.

7:20 AM - Drop the sister off at her office.  Head to my downtown parking space.

7:30 AM - Arrive at parking spot.  Walk to office (half a mile...nice little walk).

7:40 AM - Arrive at office.  Open, arrange check in materials, turn on lights, and dance in the deserted halls.  (I like to be the first person in the office.)  :)

7:50 AM - 8:20 AM - Greet fellow co-workers as they arrive.  Fend off several offers of coffee.

8:20 AM - 11:00 AM - Various tasks ranging from website coding to scheduling meetings.  I am a jill of all trades in my office.

11:00 AM - 11:10 AM - Walk the therapy dog.  She's super cute and very lovable.

11:10 AM - 12:00 PM - Seek nutrition during lunch hour.  Write on any number of projects or my fanfiction.

12:00 PM - 4:45 PM - More work-related activities.

4:46 PM - Say good-bye to coworkers and head out the door to the car.  Pick up my sister from her office at 5:15 PM.  Arrive home at 5:30 PM.

Depending on the day of the week, I usually leave the house again within an hour of arriving home for: dance, teaching, translation work, or volunteer work.

Most evenings, I can be found holed up with my laptop working on websites, stories, or engaging in Wizard 101 (my latest obsession....).

Hey, even fanfiction writers need to relax.  :)

The Despair Continues

So, my Camp Nanowrimo despair continues.

This past weekend, I had an infection in my tooth (I'm getting a root canal on Wednesday) that caused so much pain that I could only rest on my couch with ice packs on my face while I hoped that the antibiotics would start working.

No writing was accomplished.  At all.

I'm not happy about the root canal, but if it returns me to normal writing abilities, then hey, I can't complain too much, right?

Except...dentist.

I hate the dentist.  I have dental phobia...it's bad.  And the people who do my root canals (specialists, they call them) do not do the happy gas which make dental appointments so much easier for me.  No Valium for Emma, either.  *sigh*  I want to hide. 

Camp Nanowrimo and Despair

So, I'm taking part in Camp Nanowrimo and it's not going well.

I lie.

It was going well until my weekend was shanghaied by family.  My mother came to visit, and NO WRITING WAS ACCOMPLISHED.

I tried.

I lack inspiration.  I really, really want to finish my trilogy.  Sadly, the characters are not speaking to me at the moment.  I honestly can't write at the moment.  After the weekend, I'm seriously in despair over my pathetic word count.

There is another story that's been pretty vocal lately.  I don't want to work on it because I want to finish the trilogy.  I would have to toss all of my notes and the outline for the trilogy and sort of start over seven days into Camp Nanowrimo.


It looks as though the second story won.  I entertained the thought for just a moment, and one of the characters threw an arm around me and crowed "We're going to have SO. MUCH. FUN!!!!"  I give up.